I have two teenage daughters – my athlete (14) and my musician (16) – I also have a 13yr old son who is my dramathlete (you’re allowed to eschew labels when you’re the youngest). Life with teens is a blast! We spend summers finding adventures, talking about God (and boys), hosting parties, and wrestling with growing up. I expected raising teenagers to be a season of life I dreaded, but it’s been absolutely the opposite.
I have heard so many ahead of me on this parenting path warn of the teen years. They recounted drama, screaming matches, defiance, and rebellion. I’ve never understood why parents expect their teens to screw up. I expect my kids to wrestle through their faith and live as God would have them live – just as I expect the same from myself.
As I walk alongside them in these finding-out-who-you-are years where they’re exploring opportunities and options, I’m learning as much as they are. I think, as adults, we forget how much courage it takes to grow up well.
Bravery
I’ve watched my very introverted musician begin taking cello lessons (without me present) from a complete stranger. She auditioned for a well-known youth choir and got in. She took on an opportunity to volunteer at a local theatre camp even though the idea of being a ‘leader’ terrified her. She’s defended her faith to friends who believe differently or have no faith at all. Her courage to try new things, to do something even when it scares her, inspires me to do the same.
My athlete does these crazy tumbling stunts as an elite cheerleader. She has a collection of ice packs for after practice and falls a lot before she’s able to land a trick – but she never gives up. She’s game for anything. She wears baggy track pants and yoga pants and skinny jeans and these ugly hammer pants, her clothes sometimes match, and she doesn’t care what others think of her. She’s all keep-the-crown-and-prince-just-give-me-a-sword and that’s a tough path, but she’s doing it. Her drive and determination helps me keep going when it’s hard and I want to quit.
Billy Graham said, “Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.” My girls’ enthusiasm for my crazy schemes strengthens my courage (they were game when I suggested driving out of the city in the middle of the night to watch a meteor shower).
Questions and Staying Quiet
I am not one to shy away from asking questions – in fact, I should probably challenge the status quo a little less. They see my independent-til-its-stupid attitude and call me on it. “Just go with it, Mom. Please.” Sometimes life is easier if you just jump through the hoops and not worry about whether it’s effective, efficient, or fair. But, I’ve also seen them stand a little taller when I’ve stood up for them and asked the questions they were too timid to ask themselves.
They keep me humble. I don’t always get it right and I don’t have all the answers. I need to admit when I’m wrong and apologize. Raising teenagers means I explain rules they don’t agree with and hear them out when they feel I’ve been unfair.
Rest
This is a very busy season – life with 3 teens. Between cello lessons, choir, cheer, tumbling, theatre, after-school activities, volunteering, and church we don’t have many free nights. I work part time at a non-profit and freelance on the side, which is code for work way too much. “Mom, come watch a movie with me.” “Mom, let’s play a game.” “Mom, how do I make this recipe?” “Mom, I need a ride…” “Mom, look what [boy’s name] just texted me.” “Mom, watch me.”
Raising teenagers has reminded me that time is precious. The time I spend with them now growing our relationships and building trust and respect will reap benefits for hopefully years to come. I can’t ignore them and expect them to come to me with their problems or seek my advice or counsel. It means that sometimes I’m a day late on a project and have very late nights to meet deadlines. It means that I’m tired, a lot. It means I give them a lot of freedom to make their own choices and then walk alongside them as they live with the consequences of those decisions.
It means I bite my tongue a lot.
I try very hard to let them be individuals. I encourage them in their diverse interests even if all I can do is give my time to watch, attend concerts, or listen to the interpersonal drama they’re embroiled in. I want to provide a safe zone, a landing pad, where they know they’re accepted exactly as they are. And they give me that freedom too.
What about you? Have you been surprised by the season of life you find yourself in? What were you expecting and how were you surprised?
Lisa Hall-Wilson is an award-winning freelance journalist and writer for the Canadian faith-based market. Lisa blogs at www.LisaHallWilson.com and spends way too much time on Facebook.
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