“You’re going to miss this someday, when they’re all grown up.” Ever received a well-intentioned comment like this? I used to roll my eyes and brush it off.
When my kids were little, I would think: Lady, you have no idea what kind of day I’ve had. I’ve been puked on, peed on, dealt with a temper tantrum at the grocery store, and found out the hubs is working out of town all next week. I am NOT going to miss this.
Now my kiddos are teenagers and I think: Do you have any idea how busy I am? Do you know what kind of month I’ve had? All I want is a night off. I am NOT going to miss this!
But there is a time and a season for everything – yes?
Mom, take a pic of me spinning.
I don’t have the chance to visit with my in-laws too often. They live a long way away. One Christmas we made the trek north (14-16hrs one way) and my mother-in-law said something like the statement above – someday I was going to miss this. It wasn’t the first time this had been said to me, it certainly wasn’t the first time she’d said it to me. I was about to brush it off – sure sure – whatever, but I paused and thought about it.
I do miss having little ones in the house. I miss the wet kisses, the spontaneous hugs, dressing them up, cuddling on the couch with a book, rocking them to sleep in my arms, telling bedtime stories, the excitement of first smiles, first steps, first-everythings. And most of all, I miss their absolute whole-body-joy when I’d pick them up from Kindergarten. They’d run straight at me, leap into my arms, and hug me as though we’d been apart for a week instead of three hours.
I laughed and shared that thought with my m-i-l.
She said (I’m paraphrasing because I didn’t write it down): “Well, we tend to forget how hard it was and just remember the good parts. Life is like that.”
If I had the chance to go back and relive those days, I’d spend less time rushing them to grow up and be more independent. I’d stop and study that caterpillar on the sidewalk, read just one more book, laugh more. I’d spend a lot less time looking out feeling like life was passing me by.
I’m trying to carry that lesson into my parenting in the teen years. There are still plenty of firsts – first boyfriend/girlfriend, first date, first prom, etc. Different milestones for sure, and ones you have to watch from the sidelines. But I’m intentionally taking time to stay up late and talk, go for walks when it’s their idea, go for hot chocolate or coffee or slushies. We watch old movies and learn new crafts – and just hang out. I’m not going to wish this season away.
When you remember only the good things, you forget how much you did just to survive. Having little ones is tough, and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, but time does sweeten the memory. I’m going to intentionally live in the moment more with my kids. Because there’s a time to laugh and a time to dance, and eventually a time to say I’ll see you at Christmas, or a season when they’ll only visit when they are able.
It’s easy to know what we’d do in hindsight, but if you could go back and relive some time in your life, what lesson that you’ve since learned would you want to put into practise?
Lisa Hall-Wilson is an award-winning freelance journalist and writer for the Canadian faith-based market. Lisa blogs at www.LisaHallWilson.com and spends way too much time on Facebook.
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